Be sure its garbage before you throw it away

I know this is a sexual advice blog, hell I created it…..I should know 🙂 but I got something on my mind I want to talk to you about and no it’s not sexual

I recently had a birthday and for the first time in my life I really considered my age. I started looking at my life…I mean really looking and to be honest I didn’t like what I seen.

On top of that it’s December. We’ve got a new year coming.

Every December I spend the first two weeks thinking about what I want to accomplish over the next year. Once my birthday hits on the 15th I start writing these goals down with an action plan and a daily method of operation. By the time I’m done it’s very detailed right down to what I need to do on a daily basis in order to achieve my goals.

What is my point for telling you this? My point is this isn’t something I take lightly; I put a lot of time and effort into it. But more so than the time and effort I have to ask myself the hard questions and give myself the brutally honest answers.

It’s 4:06 AM. I just walked in from having a cigarette and while sitting outside smoking and thinking I asked myself this question.

What is “really” important in life?

Well the truth is that answer can and will vary for all of us but I think the one thing we all have in common is we want someone we can love, someone we can trust and we want that person to love and trust us in return.

The real shitty part of life is we all don’t get to have this. I don’t claim to know why that is but I do know it to be true.

If you are one of the lucky ones and have it then cherish it, don’t take it for granted cuz you just might end up losing it. I’ve seen great relationships fall apart over some of the dumbest shit known to man.

I get a lot of emails to this blog and a lot of my readers are having relationship problems. Some sexual and some aren’t.

If you’re having trust issues stemming from being lied to or cheated on then I understand but to those of you  who say “we’ve just grown apart” or “he/she’s boring” or “ the spark just isn’t there anymore” I have something to say to you…….get it back.

The spark can be gotten back, boring can be made exciting and growing apart can once again be closeness. Don’t let something go that was once so beautiful just because a little bit of life may have gotten in the way. Don’t let petty things ruin a chance at a lifetime of happiness….It just may be your only chance of ever being happy. Contrary to popular belief sometimes second chances just don’t exist.

For every one of you that had something special and are letting it fall apart over something petty there are a hundred people waiting, wishing and hoping. Saying: “maybe, just maybe one day that could be me. If only I had the chance I would cherish it”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all relationships can be repaired…sometimes one person isn’t willing to make the necessary changes, or maybe they have a character flaw and they keep doing hurtful things no matter how many conversations you have….that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the relationships that once were beautiful but maybe life got in the way and caused you to grow apart or maybe there is something petty that’s caused a wedge between you. Hey…I know a whole bunch of little things can be a big thing but do me a favor….do yourself a favor.

Take a real long look at your partner and imagine your life without them.

Then Imagine them with someone else…..happy with someone else. Go ahead…… it.

What did you feel? If you felt anything at all then there’s still a chance you can fix your relationship and you owe it to yourself to at least try, really trying, not just going through the motions to soothe your conscience

Don’t give up until you’re sure that all resources have been exhausted and there’s no chance at all that you can be happy with your significant other.

Make some time to be alone over the next couple of weeks. Think about whats really important to you and make 2013 YOUR best year ever.

This is the first post I’ve written that wasn’t requested by you the reader but based on some of the emails I’ve received I felt it was in order.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, this is supposed to be a sexual advice blog and yet you just read eight hundred words of me rambling and it wasn’t about sex. Maybe I’ll add a category called relationship advice and do a series on “how to get the spark back” what are your thoughts?

As always your comments are welcomes.

If you’re not currently following this blog I’d love to have you become a follower by email.

if there is something specific you’d like to see a post on please feel free to email me at

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9 Responses to Be sure its garbage before you throw it away

  1. dawn8869 says:

    Of course I will say it again, I don’t care what you post I will always read it. Your words always have a way of coming to life.

    I think this will hit home for a lot of people especially during this time of year. Personally I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want and need in life.

    I think your words are encouraging and very informative. Thank you for writing this blog, I thoroughly enjoy it.

  2. Gloria says:

    Love is the answer ! And relationships require work! We all want to love and to be loved! But at what cost. I agree with what you say but when you have been hurt for so long it’s time to say enough!
    I enjoy reading your words because they always hit so close to real life. Without love, we cannot exist. Thank you for this blog and I will always follow it

  3. KuntriGalzDoItBest says:

    First, I’ve gotta say that your blog is amazing, whether sexual or good advice, and I love following it.

    Second, I could have used this years ago! As a member of the divorced crowd, I would look back and think maybe I could have down more, fought a little harder.

    But, now, I think that maybe it was meant to be that I divorced. Gave me a lesson on life and, if I ever find another, gives me reason to grab on tight, fight for it if I have to and love fiercely.

    Fantastic post! Keep them coming!!!

  4. mriamy says:

    Love this! Keep up the advice it is really appreciated’

  5. Carmen says:

    As always Great blog! I teared up btw, this just hits home in some ways. Being in a relationship is difficult never easy, it’s work and your other half should be invested in it as well. But there are times when life does get in the way and important things like each other are forgotten. I feel that if it is meant to be and all roads have been exhausted trying to get back what you had and it still doesn’t work then it should end. I’ve always been able to keep my ex’s as friends because we mutually broke up. I’ve never been married but hope to one day find that deep love with a partner that will create a mutual healthy and loving relationship no matter how near or far they are.
    Love can be a wonderous thing, but it can also be damaging in many ways.

    THank you for this enlightening blog post today, I’ve got goals to finish setting for 2013!

  6. Mollydawn81 says:

    I gotta say that I agree with Carmen on this one. It really hits home.

    I’ve dealt with mental abuse in my past but I always tried my damnedest to make it work. I was always the one to try and never the one to see results from the other half. My marriage failed because he chose not to work at it like I did.

    Would I get married again? Probably not. Unless the other half embraced my way of thinking and really really TRIED to make it work, then I don’t think I want to risk my heart to that again.

    Picturing my ex with someone else? That was easy. I was able to do it and that right there showed me that apparently I deserved better than him and that he wasn’t the one for me.

    Please keep Writing these amazing posts! Whether sexual or just shooting the breeze with your fans/followers, you always master it and bring us a fabulous posting!

  7. Christine says:

    This helpful to so many. I too have lost my one true love. I hope to get him back one day. He has been the only one that makes me truly happy. I think sometimes we just let life get in the way and our hearts pay for it. To my one true love, I love you and look forward to the day we’re together.

  8. Trace says:

    I just read your blog for the first time tonight and I read about teasing a man and as women to know I am doing it right at 47 but I still want to learn more ways even though I am married 24 years there is nothing wrong with keeping things spicy😰💓💓 We all enter relationships hoping this is the one! Some get lucky and some don’t. We hope for that Harlequin romance moment even though we know that is such B/S (And I love my Harlequins). I know I am one of the lucky ones,but I can say we have had our moments 😬😬😬😬 – it’s not always perfect. BUT we have had always the same goals in that we worked on knowing each other, letting each other having independence – not just one person – Both and sometimes not at the same time but we let each other grow, encourage each other and explored (even outside comfort zones) WITH each other. We have learnt to compromise – neither has to be number one all the time. We have had small kids,full time jobs, no sexual desire on my side but we still took time for each other, we had date nights, we explored our sexual desires and each other fantasies. WE TALK. We still have our own self if that is the way to explain it but accept each other but even my kids will ask that Dad and I won’t divorce – I always say never say never but that does not mean it will happen you both have to work at it and it does takes the two of you to be honest with each other. But it is so worth it if u learn what makes them tick and they learn your tick!

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