Fight the Routine-Bad sex is the symptom, not the sickness.

Falling in love is exhilarating.
You can’t seem to get enough of him/her. You spend your days thinking about them and your nights longing to be with them.Every single contact brings a smile to your face. A simple text message has you forgetting what you were doing and a phone conversation can last for hours. You talk about everything under the sun, cutting up and laughing like there’s no tomorrow.
Plain and simple, we love falling in love.
The excitement of getting to see and spend time with them literally consumes us. We will do anything to bring a smile to their face…gifts and compliments become the norm because let’s face it. We want them to know how much we adore and appreciate them right? The spark between us stays lit, like two teenagers controlled by hormones we can’t seem to get enough of each other or keep our hands to ourselves. Constant flirting keeps the sexual tension high.

Fast forward a few years and well…..The Honeymoon is over.
The only time you text is to remind to pick up milk on the way home. The only time you call is to make sure they got the text.

The only thing you talk about is how bad your day was just to be interrupted and told about how bad their day was.
The only time you kiss is during sex and sex has become a thing of the past.
There are bills to pay and overtime to work, dinner to cook, kids to bathe and the house needs cleaning, laundry has to be done, yard needs mowing, oil needs changed and before you know it life has gotten in the way.
Neither one of you feel appreciated or even loved. Desired???? What is that?
A smack on the ass or grabbing a tit don’t have her ripping your clothes off and moaning like a porn star and you can’t understand why she don’t want you. If you do actually have sex it’s so boring there’s no point. She’s too tired to be active. He doesn’t take the time to seduce her. She just lays there wishing he would hurry. He’s selfish and thinks licking it and sticking it should have her begging for more…..Do I need to keep going or do you get the point?
What the hell happened? This is the same person that had you so twisted up you couldn’t imagine your life without them so you asked her to marry you, you couldn’t wait to make her feel your love and adoration for the rest of your life. This is the same person that made you feel so special, so alive that any answer other than yes to his proposal sounded insane, The day you could start spending your mornings waking up to him and your nights in his arms couldn’t get here soon enough.

I’ll tell you what happened.
Life didn’t get in the way that’s just an excuse. You started taking each other for granted and stopped letting him/her know how you felt and now you’re not sure you even feel anymore. I’m not saying you can get it back because let’s face it. Sometimes things are broken and can’t be repaired. However, if it’s not too far gone and you’re not ready to throw it away there is a chance you can make it better and get the spark back but in order to do so it’s going to require some work on both parts.
I know what you’re thinking…this is supposed to be a sexual advice blog right? Well it is and even thought this particular post isn’t specifically about sex, bad sex or even the lack of sex is a symptom of the above mentioned problems.
So how do you fix it?
The first step is talking about the problems, discussing what you feel is missing and letting your partner know that there are things you want and need.
Cover everything from sex to helping around the house. Your partner can’t read your mind so without being condescending let them know what you would like to see start happening.
Also follow that up with asking the question: What can I do more of to give you the things you want and need.
Make time for each other.
Learn how to be romantic. There is a ton of information readily available that will help you be more romantic. Let’s face it. We as men weren’t taught by our fathers to be romantic and give her the things she wants so it’s up to us to go learn how to be.
Schedule dates. If you have kids it can be challenging but not impossible. Think about or even ask her what she would like to do then YOU schedule and plan it.
Help her around the house a little, it wouldn’t kill you to come home with dinner, make her plate then send her off to get a hot bath with an even hotter book while you do the dishes and straighten up the house. Have a towel in the dryer getting hot so when you’re done with the dishes you can dry her off then give her a massage WITHOUT trying to get in her panties. Trust me, telling a woman you appreciate her means absolutely nothing but showing her and expecting nothing in return will go a long way towards getting everything you want anyway. The side effect of you appreciating her is she will start to appreciate you.
Make sure he knows you appreciate him too. Instead of complaining about how many hours he works and how you never see him try telling him you know he’s busy taking care of his family but you really do miss him and ask him if he can take a look at his schedule and maybe get off early one night soon. You’re getting exactly what you want without the argument because your approach is different. (I’m not saying all women complain or bitch so don’t get mad ladies….. but some do and I have a few x’s to prove it : )
Try spoiling him every once in a while. Send him off to get a shower then give him a massage. Get a babysitter and surprise him. When he comes in from work be wearing something slutty and tell him to hurry up and bathe cuz his ass is yours tonight… will go a long way…trust me.

All I’m trying to say is communication without arguing then making an effort to be everything your partner desires will go a long way towards making your relationship better than you ever thought it could be.
Now let’s get to the good part…….The sex.
Like I said earlier, Bad sex or even the lack of sex is usually not the problem but the symptom. If she doesn’t feel loved, protected and appreciated then she’s not going to want to have sex and even if she does she’s not going to be into it enough to create any sort of passion. Then she stops having orgasms due to not being “into” it and eventually don’t even want to have sex.
If he doesn’t feel loved and appreciated he’s not even going to try to please you when you’re intimate and sex becomes just a means to an end………Not to be crude but it becomes all about getting off. Before you know it she’s breaking out the toys before he gets home or after he goes to sleep and he’s in the bathroom with a bottle of lotion. That’s the first step…cheating comes next and no matter how secure you think you are in your relationship when needs aren’t met it’s only a matter of time before someone comes along and starts meeting those needs and cheating WILL happen.
Men and women are very different.
Men are easy to turn on. We are turned on visually and by touch. So in other words it’s a lot easier for us to be turned on. It’s almost purely physical.
Women on the other hand….well……..we have to work a little harder and that’s okay because it’s worth it.
In order to have great sex with a woman we have to get in her head first.
That’s easy in the beginning because everything is new, the excitement and unknown does most of the work for us, however, As time goes on its going to require a little more work. She’s seen all your best moves and knows exactly what’s in store for her. The dreaded routine. (women have one too)
Now, if you’re doing what I talked about above and she knows she’s appreciated, you’re throwing the “I’m a man” shit out the door and actually helping her with things, doing what you can to give her a break now and then and make life a little easier on her, it will be a lot easier for you to get in her head and seduce her.
Now is where you throw the routine out the door. Surprise her by mixing it up a little. Instead of starting out at the top and working your way down start at the bottom and work your way up, don’t automatically please the next body part in line…make her wonder what is next.
Tie her up and blindfold her…losing the sense of site will heighten her sense of touch ,then be creative on where your lips land next, it will drive her insane.
Make love to her then eat her out or lie down next her using your fingers or toys to continue giving her orgasms. Just because you’re done don’t mean you can’t continue to please her.
Get a little dominant once in a while, a woman wants a man every now and then. There is nothing wrong with making love but when is the last time you walked in and “took” her? When’s the last time you grabbed her and ripped her panties off while telling her how bad you’ve wanted her all day or how you can’t take it anymore you have to have her now? Or how you’ve been thinking about her tight little pussy squeezing your hard throbbing cock all day and you need her now damn it? ( plan it a little, make sure she’s not helping the kids with homework or cooking dinner or something) (And give her the money to replace the ripped panties *wink wink )

I could go on and on here but I’m sure you get the point. Be creative and surprise her.

Women: that goes for you as well. You can’t kiss us, suck us then ride us every time and expect us to be all giddy giddy when it’s time for sex. We get tired of the same ole, same ole just like you do. And just like you, we will start spending more time alone with our imagination and pleasing ourselves when the routine becomes boring.
Just like for the men, there are a ton of things you can do to keep it hot. So, if you are doing everything you should be doing when it comes to making him feel appreciated and loved (yes it’s a two way street) then fight the routine by mixing it up for him.

Try seducing him. Tease him, flirt with him. Let him know how bad you want him.
When he comes home grab him and pull him into the bathroom/bedroom or even a closet, get him hard then tell him to take you now, you can’t wait anymore. Quickies can be hot and exciting.
Tie him up and have your way with him.
Give him a strip show and lap dance.
Just like for the men, I could go on and on. My point for both the men and the women is simply this. Keep it hot, mix it up. We’re not talking about some dude at a bar here or some lady of the night. We’re talking about your partner, your lover the one you chose to be with and the one who chose you. It’s worth the effort on both parts and the rewards are too numerous to list.
I’m getting a little long winded here so I need to wrap it up.

Bad sex, boring sex and lack of sex is usually just the symptom, not the sickness. So cherish the one you’re with, make them feel like you did in the beginning. Try just as hard to get their attention as you did when you first met them and you will always have it. I know life gets busy and routines start to form. Take the time to fight the routines that form in the relationship. Stop and appreciate this person you’ve committed yourself to…and for God’s sake. Make sure they know that you do

*Note: There are exceptions to every rule and sometimes it’s more or even all one person’s fault that the relationship is failing. For instance if one party has the lines of communication open and is telling what it is he/she wants and needs but the other is not listening then unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about that. Some professional counseling is in order if that is your situation.

Sometimes we all need a little help to get the creative juices flowing. If you want to know more about how to fix your sexless marriage please click the link. MARRIAGEf

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The art of a handjob

I’m not sure why and maybe it’s just me but it seems the hand job is a thing of the past. Maybe it’s different in your world and you receive/give them all the time but just in case there are other men out there who are not getting, them I’ve decided to write about it.
Not to mention I’ve received a couple request from both men and women asking me to.
Step one on how to give a great hand job……Use your mouth. LMAO just kidding…..well….maybe 😉

What most women don’t know is some of us guys enjoy a good hand job as much as we do a blow job, the only problem is most women don’t really know how to properly give one.
I’m not trying to be mean here ladies so hear me out. In my experience most women when giving a hand job usually dab some lotion on it and start stroking, one speed and one stroke. Then right before the magical moment happens she stops to switch hands and its game over time to start over.

For that very reason most men including myself won’t ask for one and prefer just to take matters in our own hands (pun intended)
Like most men I assume, I had given up on the possibility of ever getting a great hand job when I met what I’m going to refer to as the Hand Job Goddess.
Let me set the stage for you.
I’m dating this girl and things are going pretty good when she offers to give me a massage one evening. Now me being the gentleman that I am, there’s no way in hell I’m going to tell a pretty lady she can’t strip me naked and rub all over me.
So I’m lying there on my stomach and she breaks out the massage oil (not lotion) and proceeds to give me a very relaxing and much needed massage. She gets to my ass and me being the experienced massage receiver that I am, I thought nothing of her massaging my ass, until she reached under me and gently pulled my cock to where it was now sticking out between my legs. She then very lightly started to rub it. Now at this point I’m starting to develop feelings for this long legged beauty because clearly she knows something my precious girlfriends of the past didn’t know.
After a few minutes of some very light teasing with one hand and massaging with the other she asked me to roll over…again, I was more than happy to oblige and the anticipation of things to come (again, pun intended) was about to get the best of me.
What happened next is going to be impossible to describe but I’m going to attempt it anyhow.
She poured what seemed to be about half a bottle of massage oil all over my utmost southern region and allowed it to run down to my balls. Then with the lightest touch humanly possible she began to stroke me, rub me and tease me. Now there is a huge difference between what this woman was doing and the manly stroking I’ve been known to give myself. Neither my own technique nor the rough and steady strokes of previous girlfriends could compare and to be honest, I’m pretty sure I heard angels singing.
This went one for about a half hour, not the rushed paint shaker pumping I was used to. Her touch was so light I swear it was torture at times…..the sweetest torture I’ve ever experienced. She knew exactly when to vary the stroke and or pressure of her touch.
So how can you learn to give your man that exact kind of experience? I’m glad you asked.
Number one I recommend using oil instead of lotion, and be sure to use plenty of it. Have him lie on a towel and be very generous with the oil…he will thank you for it later and will never bitch about the added cost.
Change up the pressure; use your fingertips some instead of your whole hand. Rub him, tease him. Lightly rub the head with a single fingertip. Caress the head with your hand…use your imagination. He will love all of it.
Vary the kind of stroke you use and keep in mind it doesn’t always have to be a stroke. You can always go back to the paint shaker type stroke when you’re ready to finish him off.

The fire-starter:
Hold his penis between both hands and gently rub it like you’re trying to start a fire.
Cock ring:
Firmly grip the base of his penis with one hand then with your thumb and forefinger of your other hand (forming a circle) start at the top and stroke down. Or you can use your thumb and fingertips and lightly stroke up starting at the bottom of the head.
The twist:
Turn your hand upside down (you should be able to see the back of your hand with the thumb at the bottom) with fingers circling his shaft move your hand up, slowly twisting around until you reach the tip. Release your fingers and let your palm glide over the head then back down to the base.
Use your open palm to swirl around the head. This will make him harder and more sensitive.
Healing stroke:
With the penis lying flat on the man’s stomach, softly grip or hold the penis down and gently rub from tip to base, either with fingertips or your palm.

Anvil Stroke:
Start with one hand grasping the tip of his penis then stroke all the way down. When you hit the bottom immediately start the same stroke with your other hand.
The Doorknob:
Turn the head of his penis (lightly) like you’re trying to turn a doorknob. Turn it back the other way.
You can also use this stroke after forming a circle with your other hand. Grip his shaft firmly enough so when you slide your hand to the base it pulls the skin tight. Hold it then start the doorknob with your other hand.

Two hand grip:
Grip his penis in both hands interlocking your fingers. Starting at the top perform a downward stroke adding a little pressure as you slide over the head. You can also vary this stroke by adding a twist. (Release the pressure before you twist)

These are just a few of the strokes you can use.

Use your imagination and create your own stroke. Just remember to change it up.
Some other tips:
Don’t forget the boys. While performing these and other strokes gently rub or pull on his balls. Ask him what he likes.
Some men also like to have their ass rubbed and or fingered. Just be sure he’s open to it before surprising him with the finger 😉
For more information and instructions on how to give a great hand job and have your man calling you the Hand Job Goddess please visit:

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I Miss You

I Miss you.

What does it mean?

I miss you; just like I love you, has lost most of its meaning due to over use. It has become a response to someone saying it first or maybe just the “right thing to say” as a conversation filler. It has become a habit, like “bless you” is to a sneeze.

We’re all busy with our day to day life and while having a conversation our minds are rarely focused on what we’re talking about or even who we are talking to, much less the meaning of the things we are saying.

Life is a revolving door with people coming and going constantly. Some come in fast and furious and leave the same way while others seem to appear out of nowhere yet leave silently and slowly. The latter being the most painful. They think they are fading from view ever so quietly, leaving unnoticed. Yet we see them slipping off into the night and fading from existence as part of our life.

Looking back I’ve had an untold number of people walk through the revolving doors of life and very few of them do I miss. Yet most of them had something about them that I was attracted to or enjoyed. I miss certain things about that person, I miss certain personality traits or experiences we may have shared but I can’t honestly say that I miss that person.

I had a friend once that was an incredible musician and I thoroughly enjoyed playing music with him. We spent countless hours writing and playing music together. I miss the feeling I had when playing with such an amazing and talented musician I do not, however, miss him. I only miss the experience.

We share memories and experiences with each and every person that walks into our life yet only miss a few when they’re are gone……Why is that?

Though many walk in and most walk on through our lives like tourists on vacation some leave  footprints on our very soul. They touch us in a way that forever changes our life and when they’re gone something is missing, therefore we miss.

I believe “I miss you” gets used out of context most of the time. For example: if you see an old friend you haven’t even thought of in years. You start reminiscing and catching up when all of a sudden you say something like “girl I’ve missed you, we need to get together” have you really missed that person? After all, you haven’t even thought of them in years. Was something that belonged really missing? Or did you experience an emotion based on a feeling and a memory that caused you to say “I’ve missed you”?

To say I miss you implies a deep sense of caring. It’s intimate, just as intimate as I Love you.

Missing is about the needs, wants and emotions inside of me that are somehow left unattended in the absence of the person I no longer have or have limited access to. The saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is ridiculous. That statement screams “delusional”. Absence is about being gone or away from the one you really want to be with and that is something I am not even remotely “fond” of. I didn’t or don’t want them to go and when they do it hurts. It causes me to miss and to miss stems from pain. So in order to miss I must feel pain, if I feel pain there must be an absence. So tell me again how absence that makes my heart grow fonder?


I miss you means I care and I hope for the eventual return of or journey to the one I enjoyed laughing with, sharing with and truly being free with. It means something is missing from me and I long to have it back. It means I am incomplete to some degree in your absence. It means you have touched my life in a way that will not allow me to go back to being complete without you. It means there is an emptiness that you once filled, a void where you once were. A yearning for things to be as they were.


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What he really wants

I get a lot of emails to the blog email and I appreciate it. It allows me to write about what YOU the reader wants to read. That being said I’ve been getting email after email asking about what a man wants in and out of the bedroom.  Some even complaining about their man. He’s not attentive to my needs, He won’t take out the trash, he won’t fix my car,  he won’t, he won’t, he won’t.

The following post is NOT me saying that you ladies don’t have needs other than sexual needs that need to be met as well and keep in mind that most of my posts are about what he needs to different for you.

What a man really wants.

We get accused of being simple-minded creatures that only care about two things. What we want and sex.  And though that may have some truth to it I want you to consider it from a different angle.

Maybe that’s the only side we show. Maybe there is a whole lot more to us than meets the eye but we choose to keep it hidden. (My fellow-men are going to hate me for exposing their secrets)

Especially once a man has been hurt he tends to withdraw into himself. I’m not saying it’s fair that some woman you’ve probably never even met totally messed things up for you. What I’m saying is just because it appears he don’t care doesn’t mean he don’t.

You’re waiting on him to prove that he’s not like other men, and he’s waiting on you to prove you are like other women. Women tend to be more trusting than men and take men at face value until we prove we’re not worth it. Men tend to be less trusting until you prove you are worth it.


(Woman) OMG Becky, I thought he was different, I can’t believe he cheated on me.

(Man) yep, she cheated. I knew it was just a matter of time…..they’re all the same.

You’re expecting us to be different and we’re expecting you to be the same.

I agree, it’s not fair that we group all women in the same category but neither is it fair that we get grouped into an all the same category either. Just like all women don’t lie and cheat neither do all men. Just like all women aren’t selfish, all men aren’t shallow.

What if I told you that we want all the same things from you that you want from us? Just maybe expressed a little different.

You want to be touched? Made to feel special? Hugged for no reason? Told you’re missed? Held? Loved on? Made to feel like you’re his whole world?   SO DO WE!

Sometimes deep down we believe in love more than you do and want the fairytale more than you ever have. but part of Being a man is not showing or saying it.

From a young age we are taught to not show emotion.

“Stop crying, and be a man”

“Stop whining and be a man”

“Suck it up son, be a man”

Subconsciously we start to associate emotions with weakness, and lack of emotions as being a man until without even trying anymore we keep our feelings and emotions pushed so far down it appears we don’t have any when in all reality we feel everything you feel but have learned all too well how to hide it. If you lie to us it hurts though we may not even confront you. If you cheat it breaks our heart too but we won’t show it. We’ll go to the bar with our buddies and sit there in silence cuz our buddies know what we’re feeling. but we’ll be damned if we’ll talk about it…we feel, we just don’t show.

The biggest misconception among men is somehow showing emotion makes us less of a man or less tough. My Grandfather (may he rest in peace) I feel was a man’s man, he was as tough as nails yet had no problem showing emotion or expressing feelings so even though this misconception exists, so does the potential for change in a man. What I mean is your man can learn to show his emotions and feelings but it may be up to you to trick him into it.

Before we get into what he wants lets cover a little more about who he is. What does being a man mean to a man?

  • First and foremost we want to be a good provider, we are judged by other men and we judge ourselves on how well we provide.
  • Second we pride ourselves in being able to protect.
  • Third we want to be the best lover you’ve ever had ( I know a lot of men don’t take the time to learn how the female body works but in his defense, in his mind he’s rocking your world based on the knowledge he has, unfortunately what he knows he’s learned from porn and its incorrect)

So how do you get him to be the man you want? Be the woman he wants. (and yes this applies to him too)

So what does he want?

He wants to be wanted not just needed, he wants to be more than a paycheck or a sense of security. He wants to be greeted with a hug and a kiss when he walks in from work, He wants to know you appreciate all that he does but in addition to and more importantly, he wants to be appreciated for WHO he is, not just what he is. He wants to be your provider and he wants you to take pride in how he provides for you. I don’t care if you live in a tent or a mansion if you’re always complaining he’s going to take it personal, even if you don’t specifically mean it that way.

Stop complaining and be appreciative and watch how much more he’ll do for you

He wants to think he’s attractive to you. We know we have a beer belly and maybe a spare tire to go with it but that don’t change how he wants to feel. We as men tend to do stuff backwards, we want the results first then we’ll put in the work. How many men do you know that got into better shape AFTER they started dating someone new? Why is that? She made him feel sexy so he wanted to be sexy for her. If you aren’t giving your man’s body attention chances are pretty good he isn’t either.


Couple gets divorced and the woman is eating low-fat yogurt watching Billy Banks tae bo dvd’s because she knows she’s going to be back on the dating scene again and she wants to feel good about herself. The man however goes to the bar drags his beer belly ass up on the bar stool and hits on the woman beside him. What’s he doing? He’s seeing if there is anything out there worth changing for. God forbid she finds him attractive or even worse make him feel like he is cuz he’ll pawn his wedding ring to pay for a gym membership… all because she gave him some attention.

He wants to be the best lover you’ve ever known. “But he’s not doing it right” well then tell him. There are ways to let him know what you want without tearing him down. How about “honey let’s try this? Or I was reading an article and found something I really want you to try on me, is there anything you want me to try on you? Holy shit did you just open the lines of communication? That wasn’t so hard now was it.  🙂 Compliment him on what he does right and suggest “we try” new things but never in the same conversation. We’re big but we aren’t dumb lol

Put on something slutty every once in a while, something he finds sexy then go about doing whatever it is you do in the evenings, tease him make him want you. It doesn’t have to be lingerie. Me personally, a pair of boxers and a tank top will drive me over the edge every time, maybe a pair of pajama pants with no panties. Find out what HE likes then give it to him.

Be a slut, you’ve heard it said we want a lady in the living room but a slut in the bedroom. It’s true. You want to be desired by him, want to feel like he just can’t take it anymore but must have you now. When’s the last time you walked up to him and took what you wanted? All I’m saying is it’s a two-way street. Start giving him everything you want and most likely he’ll start giving you everything you want.

“But he used to be everything I wanted then he changed” Was there a reason he changed? Did you hurt him? Reject him? I’m not saying these are the only reasons men stop showing their feelings. the truth is it may not be your fault at all, but a lot of the time there is a reason he withdraws. Just like women have their reasons for withdrawing

I know some of you are saying “when he starts treating me better,  I’ll start treating him better” That’s an option too but you may just end up with things being what they are instead of what they could be. And just like you’re vulnerable to someone coming along and meeting your needs, so is he, so think about what it is you really want. I agree it’s just as much our responsibility as men as it is yours to make a relationship work but this post is about what a man wants 😉

I’m going to wrap this post up since I am way over on word count but let me leave you with this.

Darren Hardy the editor of Success Magazine said when he was a young man he sat down and wrote out everything he wanted in a woman, He described every characteristic in detail. Then he wrote another list. He then described what kind of man he would have to be in order to attract and keep such a woman. My point is this. We have to be the companion and lover that is worthy of the companion and lover we want.

If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life that is trustworthy and loves you for you, don’t let life get in the way, don’t let the little things ruin something that can be great.

So what does a man really want?

He wants is to be loved, cherished and respected, which is exactly what you want as his companion so whether you are a man or a woman reading this……Be the person you want him/her to be.

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Be sure its garbage before you throw it away

I know this is a sexual advice blog, hell I created it…..I should know 🙂 but I got something on my mind I want to talk to you about and no it’s not sexual

I recently had a birthday and for the first time in my life I really considered my age. I started looking at my life…I mean really looking and to be honest I didn’t like what I seen.

On top of that it’s December. We’ve got a new year coming.

Every December I spend the first two weeks thinking about what I want to accomplish over the next year. Once my birthday hits on the 15th I start writing these goals down with an action plan and a daily method of operation. By the time I’m done it’s very detailed right down to what I need to do on a daily basis in order to achieve my goals.

What is my point for telling you this? My point is this isn’t something I take lightly; I put a lot of time and effort into it. But more so than the time and effort I have to ask myself the hard questions and give myself the brutally honest answers.

It’s 4:06 AM. I just walked in from having a cigarette and while sitting outside smoking and thinking I asked myself this question.

What is “really” important in life?

Well the truth is that answer can and will vary for all of us but I think the one thing we all have in common is we want someone we can love, someone we can trust and we want that person to love and trust us in return.

The real shitty part of life is we all don’t get to have this. I don’t claim to know why that is but I do know it to be true.

If you are one of the lucky ones and have it then cherish it, don’t take it for granted cuz you just might end up losing it. I’ve seen great relationships fall apart over some of the dumbest shit known to man.

I get a lot of emails to this blog and a lot of my readers are having relationship problems. Some sexual and some aren’t.

If you’re having trust issues stemming from being lied to or cheated on then I understand but to those of you  who say “we’ve just grown apart” or “he/she’s boring” or “ the spark just isn’t there anymore” I have something to say to you…….get it back.

The spark can be gotten back, boring can be made exciting and growing apart can once again be closeness. Don’t let something go that was once so beautiful just because a little bit of life may have gotten in the way. Don’t let petty things ruin a chance at a lifetime of happiness….It just may be your only chance of ever being happy. Contrary to popular belief sometimes second chances just don’t exist.

For every one of you that had something special and are letting it fall apart over something petty there are a hundred people waiting, wishing and hoping. Saying: “maybe, just maybe one day that could be me. If only I had the chance I would cherish it”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all relationships can be repaired…sometimes one person isn’t willing to make the necessary changes, or maybe they have a character flaw and they keep doing hurtful things no matter how many conversations you have….that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the relationships that once were beautiful but maybe life got in the way and caused you to grow apart or maybe there is something petty that’s caused a wedge between you. Hey…I know a whole bunch of little things can be a big thing but do me a favor….do yourself a favor.

Take a real long look at your partner and imagine your life without them.

Then Imagine them with someone else…..happy with someone else. Go ahead…… it.

What did you feel? If you felt anything at all then there’s still a chance you can fix your relationship and you owe it to yourself to at least try, really trying, not just going through the motions to soothe your conscience

Don’t give up until you’re sure that all resources have been exhausted and there’s no chance at all that you can be happy with your significant other.

Make some time to be alone over the next couple of weeks. Think about whats really important to you and make 2013 YOUR best year ever.

This is the first post I’ve written that wasn’t requested by you the reader but based on some of the emails I’ve received I felt it was in order.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, this is supposed to be a sexual advice blog and yet you just read eight hundred words of me rambling and it wasn’t about sex. Maybe I’ll add a category called relationship advice and do a series on “how to get the spark back” what are your thoughts?

As always your comments are welcomes.

If you’re not currently following this blog I’d love to have you become a follower by email.

if there is something specific you’d like to see a post on please feel free to email me at

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Some basic tips and tricks on pleasing a man in bed

As you well know, most of my posts are for the men with the women getting the benefits……
Well, today I need to step up and show the men some love and write one for you ladies with us men reaping the benefits…… This has nothing to do with all the requests I’ve received asking for this post 😉

So how do you please a man? Show up naked and bring beer …. Duh!!!! lol

Just kidding, though it doesn’t hurt to start there 😉
Most of the emphasis has been put on the woman when it comes not only to the bedroom but also in finding quality information on the subject of pleasing, and rightfully so.
For way too long now men have been “hitting it and quitting it” or getting theirs but not really giving pleasure…. nor taking the time to learn how to really give pleasure… I won’t get into that right now, but ladies, you know I got your back by some of my posts.
Maybe we men don’t have as many erogenous zones as you women, but we do have a few more than are being explored.

Let’s cover a few…shall we?

Some men find nipple play to be quite stimulating. Experiment with different techniques as well as how hard you suck.
Instead of going right for his penis try kissing your way down his body. There really aren’t a lot of nerve endings there to stimulate, but what it will do is build the anticipation. Most women like the “feel” of their lover’s lips on their skin, his warm breath bringing Goosebumps to the surface… it’s not like that for most men. Don’t get me wrong. We like your lips on us too, but our pleasure in this area is mostly psychological and not physical. We know what’s coming (Pun intended), but it’s the not knowing when that drives us crazy.
Now you’ve reached the bottom of his stomach so now what?…. Tease him a little…. Don’t just get right to taking him in your mouth, softly glide your lips over his erection, and maybe take him in your hand and tease him with your tongue.
Then move on. Just like the inside of a woman’s thighs are sensitive, so are ours. Spread his legs, kiss, lick, and tease his inner thighs, even where his leg starts. Right in the crook of his leg can be very sensitive and lots of pleasure can be given there. Plus, just knowing your mouth is that close to our penis is enough to get you picked up, bent over and………….. Well, ummmm. brb lol

I’m back.

Okay, let’s talk about his jewels…..yes, it’s a sensitive subject I know 😉
Unlike in porn where she takes one in her mouth and sucks hard or pulls on him, most men do not like this. We do, however, like them to be kissed, licked, and maybe even taken into your mouth…. Just be gentle…
All around the sack is a great place to give pleasure too. Lift them up and kiss beneath, then go as far back as he’ll let you. The taint (‘Taint his balls, ‘Taint his ass) can be very sensitive and a lot of men like this area to be kissed or licked. Some men like what is referred to as a rim job. That’s where you lick his anus. Some men feel like they’re gay if they like this (not that I’m bashing being gay).
Here is my take on it, “If it feels good, do it”
I’m going to stay on this subject for a minute. Most heterosexual men are more homophobic than they are willing to admit, especially with their lovers…. I’m really not sure why that is. My view is it’s not the sexual act that determines ones sexuality but the gender of the person included in that act (again, this is not a crack on being gay). We men have a G-spot too, and it’s located in our anus, but that’s a whole different blog post.

Let me throw in a tip here. Keep stimulating his penis no matter what you’re doing. If you’re pleasing another area of his body with your mouth, take his penis in your hand and gently squeeze. You can even stroke him some, but keep in mind the more you stroke him the closer you’re going to get him to orgasm… you may be cheating yourself if you stroke him too much.

With men it’s possible to lose our erection, especially if we have received stimulation and then had it stopped. For example, maybe you took him in your mouth or stroked his shaft then moved on to please other parts. He then may lose his erection and it does NOT mean what you’re doing doesn’t feel good…. it’s just the way we’re made. If you go back up to the top of his body to kiss or whatever, you don’t necessarily have to keep your hand on his penis. Lay on him, throw a leg over him and apply pressure…. use your imagination, but keep some sort of stimulation on his penis.

The blow job
I heard a friend say the worst blow job he had ever received was wonderful. I agree lol
Here are a few tips to help make it even better than wonderful.
Wetter is Better. Sloppy is fine too, so don’t spare the spit. I’m not being crude. I’m being honest. Make sure you keep it very wet when sucking him; he’ll love you for it.
Go slow. Don’t jump on it and go wide open. Take your time and let him enjoy the sensation of your sweet mouth sliding up and down him… this will also cause his orgasm to build slower and by prolonging it you allow him to experience a much harder and more intense orgasm when you finally do get him to that point.
Depending on what your goal is you may want to spare some of the attention you pay to the head. Yes, you can and should lick it, tease it and drive him crazy, even tease his slit with your tongue, but remember from the ring up to the tip is where you’re going to make him come.
If it’s during foreplay, then of course show the head some attention, but don’t come all the way up on every stroke if you’re sucking him. He’ll love it, and you’ll still have your fun during intercourse.
Use your hand along with your mouth (you’ll get him there quick). Make sure you have him plenty wet and then slide your hand up and down his shaft as you take him into your mouth. Another very pleasurable tip is to wring your hand around him while gliding up and down with your lips.
Use both hands. Have one hand holding his balls and teasing his anus (if he likes that) while the other one mimics your lips.

This post is really just a guideline based on my experience and opinion. The most important tool you have to make your sex life better is your mouth. Communication is key. Just like all women don’t like the same things, we men aren’t all the same either, so speak up and ask questions. Also, pay close attention to his body language; it will be honest even when he’s too afraid or too shy to tell you himself.

Sex tips to drive him crazy:

As always, your likes and comments are welcomed and appreciated.

If there is something specific you’d like to see a post about please email me at

Posted in For the ladies | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Three types of female orgasms part two

If you havent read part one you can find it here.


Vaginal Orgasm – This type of orgasm can be much more powerful and be felt throughout the body.

Surprisingly enough as I’ve already mentioned in the part one of this blog, only twenty percent of women have experienced a vaginal orgasm…..How sad is that? We as men have failed in providing real pleasure to our lovers.

The Vaginal orgasm can be a little harder to pull off, especially if she’s never had one. As I stated in part one, make sure she’s relaxed and be damn sure she’s wet.

Now for the sake of keeping this blog kind of short I am assuming  that you the reader knows how to get the G-spot to swell….If you don’t let me know by email or comment and I’ll write a blog post on how to.

So she’s wet, aroused and her G-spot is swollen.

Insert one finger (you can add more later if needed) and press up towards the top of her vagina.

An aroused G-spot will have a wrinkled or ridge feel (Much like the roof of your mouth)   compared the smooth area around it.

The G-spot is more of an area instead of a spot. it varies in size, It usually starts out about the size of a dime and grows to about the size of a quarter as she becomes more aroused.

The G-spot is located 1”-3” inside and along the front or upper wall.

The G-spot responds to firm or direct stimulation.

The easiest way to stimulate the G-spot is with the “come here” motion. With your finger inserted  curl your finger back towards you in the “come here” motion, your fingertip will bump and slide across the G-spot. Start out with slow short strokes until you get a feel for what she likes then you can speed up or perform longer strokes.

Once she is used to it or if she has been stimulated this way before you can do my personal favorite and what I call the bounce.

Once she is fully aroused and the G-spot is clearly defined insert your middle finger and bounce from lower wall to upper wall making direct and really firm contact with the G-spot….Her orgasm will be extremely intense when coming this way. You will feel her walls tighten around your finger…sometimes so tight you can hardly move with any speed…that’s ok just keep tapping it until you feel her start to relax.

As always you will want to experiment together and see what she likes best. The above two techniques will work every time when performed correctly.

There is some evidence that the intensity of a woman’s G-spot orgasm is mediated by the hormone estrogen. Most young women under 30 find clitoral orgasms to be more powerful because, due to their relatively high estrogen levels, their vaginal lining becomes too thick to allow direct stimulation of their G-spot nerves.

As the estrogen level begins to decline in women during their 30s, the vaginal lining becomes thinner and the G-spot becomes more accessible. That’s why most women feel that they begin to peak sexually in their early to mid-30s.


Female ejaculation/ the squirting orgasm.

This is the most powerful orgasm a woman can have and yet very few women do. Those that do are usually left trembling afterwards.

Ok…I’m going to get a little technical on you here….surprised? lol

The G-spot is actually part of the Urethral sponge and when a woman becomes aroused it starts to swell. What causes the swelling is the G-spot is actually filling up with fluid.

As the woman starts to have an orgasm this fluid is pushed out the urethra (Pee-hole). IT’S NOT PEE.  It comes from the female prostate and contains glucose so it has a sweet taste.

She/you will feel the urge to pee and usually squeeze her PC muscles in order to stop it…what she’s doing is actually robbing herself from a very intense orgasm, By stopping or squeezing the PC muscles you are only experiencing half of the orgasm you are capable of experiencing.  What she/you should do instead is push when you feel the urge to pee.

The best way to feel comfortable is to make sure you empty your bladder prior to sexual activity that way you can feel assured that it’s not pee….in my experience the biggest obstacle I’ve faced when trying to make a woman squirt has been her mind….once I’ve convinced her to empty her bladder prior to sex and to trust me enough to let go and push I’ve managed to get her to squirt 100 percent of the time.

This type of orgasm will completely blow her mind if she’s never experienced it before….I recommend every woman experiencing this at least once.

The best way to experience the squirting orgasm is tons of foreplay, make sure she is very aroused and give her a couple clitoral orgasms….or as many as she can take. Keep checking the G-spot and once she is swollen and ready stimulate the G-spot with the bouncing technique hard and fast.

If you have any questions or maybe a subject you would like to see a blog post about please feel free to email me at

Posted in For the men | Tagged , | 12 Comments